The Consequences of Being “Daddy – Friend”
Something happened to our generation, the age of forty. It seems that we did not like how we were educated or what could be worse, we failed to thank all the good it did. Why? You may wonder. What happens is that adults deny him the education they gave us and decided to change completely.
It is as if we had said something like, ‘so I had a bad time with my strict parents, I missed so much as a child, I had a very complicated and distant father, and I do not want my children to go through the same thing. So I, as Mom and Dad, I will give everything I can because I want them to be happy. “
Thus was born a different generation of parents. This also supported by certain psychological currents posed the wrong way that parents should be friends with their children. This phrase so internalized in our society says and I want to make it clear from now, to parents should be warm and even be ‘cool’ with their children, what happens is you have to privilege the role of educator. I am a mom and my role is to educate my children, and that is often a stressful paste in which I have to set limits, make decisions for them that often they do not like to say that not many times a day and maintaining an educational consistency transferred my words, which is covered by the facts.
Much of the problems facing our children today, as poor motivation for the studies, low frustration tolerance, impatience, and this ‘can’ board, with a feeling of immense solitude, is because we are parents forget to be authoritative. We are the rulers of the house, like it or not, we choose what we eat or not eat, at least most of the time, we decide whether or not our children will see their grandparents, because if no, they are not going to do on its own will and, therefore, will grow without history or experience rating.
Loss of control
I get to see how parents have lost control over their children, and increasingly often say sentences like ‘I do not know what to do with my daughter,’ and when asked the age, I learn that two and a half years I do not know what they intend to do when the child is 15 years. It is also common to hear parents tell teachers: Tell her hair cut because I was not going to ignore. Or they say: How do force myself to do this or that if it wants?
The reason for this mode is due to a number of factors, including the most important are: the general tendency to avoid any conflict. So as not to see his long face our son we are able to do what he wants. We avoid conflicts throughout the day as us because we have many problems outside our homes to get inside of them and, therefore, transacted in the one thing that we should not do: the education of our children.
Another factor is of course a short time we spent with our children. I say supposedly because, in reality, if a father has an hour to watch the news, is actually a time to be with their children, what happens is that preferred to watch the news.
The issue of parenting, our children’s friends has many sides, some are sociological, such as those in some way explained before, but it also has to do with how sensitive we are the adults of today to the rejection of our children. We do not want to see their long faces, telling us that we are outdated, other than the parents of his classmates, who are ‘not cool’. In fact, parents want to be cool, appear as evolved and this makes us extremely ambiguous in the way we educate, we find it difficult to say no. We leave in forty explanations, we are the kings of the ‘it depends’, which put our children in a web of insecurities that prevent them from knowing what is right and wrong and everything seems possible.
The consequences of being parents, friends are many: the children have no respect different from his friends to educate, develop a bad tolerance to frustration because the parents do not tell them no, and if they do, easily changed with some manipulations.
The children become manipulative because they know they can do whatever they want; it’s all in how you ask. Finally, teens are lonely and insecure at first because it’s fun to have parents like that, but over time they begin to feel they need someone to guide them because if not, die of anxiety.
Children, in their healthy development, they need boundaries, discipline and conduct set by parents, mixed with affection: it is the formula for a good education. Tenderness and discipline seems to be the key. Moreover, it was important to be clear that the more clear is a father or mother, as to educate, more expressive and free to
In general, according to my experience in Chile, I come often to these dads friends who do not know how to get out of the mess that they put a little product of their short-term vision of ‘total and will grow’, ‘are children’ ‘I put a lot of color’, etc., and when they want to set limits when they are larger, too late.
There is another percentage of parents who, although I hate to say, it is ‘not there’ to educate their children, those who hire radio taxi weekend by ‘can’ of having to go looking. There are also those who are trying to be friends with their children and tell all that good. Why did not they will buy if they all have cell?
Parents who give permission for all children who smoke, who take them to ‘learn’, which will finance the piercing and strange clothes who ask. Parents who allow their children for fear of rejection, receiving friends at their parts, understanding that they need to ‘privacy’ and are not able to say that that’s what the living and not the beds.
These parents, friends do not place limits, but neither are a lot of love, not embrace it will be rejected, do not say ‘I love you’ for fear of ridicule and, therefore, are not consistent in the way of educating.
Of course there are those who are doing well, which set limits, that challenge when it comes to challenge, to meet the punishment and so good, that provide affection, touching, kissing, while adolescents reject them, and they understand that’s a pose that does not mean that do not need. Parents are falling to pieces of their children even when the door is closed, they say ‘I love you’, but equally clearly they are able to say no, even if it means having the ‘child’ or ‘girl’ with long face several days. Perhaps it is because they understand that education is a planting day, where the harvest is not immediately, and that, therefore, have to worry every day.
